Mixed Feelings
I am often agnostic. It's hard to believe in some things in this life but at the same time, I wonder if there is anything watching over me. Because everytime something bad happens, everytime I am hurt, the unknow amazes me. This is one of the reasons I like to be what I am and to be alive. I think I am blessed too, just like you! We all are, right? Yes, please! There are times that problems and sadness can turn us into very pessimistic people. If we are just able to see...if we want to see more of good happenings than bad ones, our lives can change. I am happy this evening. In the morning I had tears of sadness, knowing that my son is a great boy, a generous child that never caused trouble in his class and has been hit by other kids and because his generosity, he would just say that he doesn't want to hit them back, he doesn't want to hurt his friends and he doesn't care to be hit, just to make me feel better... Is there anything I can do? I started to see myself as a little girl again, with the same kind of problem he is having now. I just had to live with. I am seeing myself on my children. Reflections of me.
I was sad to see that today, there are still kids, big ones that will have a slingshot in hands to kill birds. Birds that mother nature gave to us without charge. To kill just for the pleasure of seeing a small and inocent target being hit. I had to hold myself to do not grab that crap off his hands. Maybe I should... And I so love to walk my children in the morning and listen nothing else than dozens of bird songs. Even to crows, they do make interesting noises! What does this kid has in mind? I realized that I am often very sensitive person, although many people will tell the contrary. sometimes I think I am not brave enough. I will be mad all day for seeing such thing. I am often outspoken and if this is a quality, I am not sure, I am just sure that I am almost 35 years old and I am still discovering myself as a person and scared about adulthood, isn't it funny?
Some people say that I am generous and I recently had to agree. It should make me happy to be like that, but it can hurt, because some will see generosity as stupidity, I do see like that sometimes and this is not good. It should not matter for me if I am only confident about it. I could go on and on with this vent. I could write so many stories of every day life, but one reason I don't do this anymore like in the past is because I think I have a normal life, with real concerns, problems and fears just like you do. I like to express myself showing photos and things I do by hands, I like to share a song that I like, links I find interesting, books and mags. Does that tell anything about me? You guys are always telling me that I am talented person and always being nice to me and leaving messages that make me happy and I often don't follow up with you. I am grateful, I heart every person that takes the time to tell me something nice. I am not the greatest blogger, I won't never talk much about my family life or polemics or politics and all of you that have been following my very bad english (if you are new to this, I do better in portuguese for sure!), thank you and also sorry that I am not very social in blogland. In real life I am just like that. Not very social. Always by myself, always quiet in a corner, but I like to talk and if I find someone that I feel confortable with, you will have to make me shut up! And be sure that I feel like talking big time and I don't have my best friends to hear to me when I need to...oh they are so far away...
BTW...changing subject, we went to a zoo in Camp Verde days ago and although I am not a big fan of zoos, I liked to see these tigers...they are my favorite animals of all!!! I can't have tigers at home so I have 4 cats!! I am a cat person since little kid and my mom never let me have a cat, now look at this, I have 4. I would have more if I could...but it doesn't sound nice to collect animals as well, hu?
This is the first time I get a photo of the 4 cats together...it's rare. They are very respectful to each other. The tuxedo cat is living forever! I adopted him in 2003 and he was 13 years old that time. The 2 white cats looking to the door are Naninha and Tobias Malaquias (mother and son) respectively and they came from Brazil with me ( My husband asked: "Will you marry me and come to US? I answered: "yes, but not without the cats, ha!"). She is 10 years old and he is 9 next May. The one that seats in between is called Snow, but he has lots of nick names (pereba, piroc@, taludo, tormento...hahaha, do not ask me to translate these words!!! My children call him smear all over the place, I don't know why...and they will call the female cat something like Bolden, I have no idea why!!!) and he used to live in the Navajo reservation, where I lived with my husband for one year and it was snowing a lot (that's why the name and because he is white) and he would not leave our porch. I had to convince my husband that where eat 3 cats, eat 4 cats too. He was dirty and I had to shave all the hair of his tail. He had blood tests and all the shots and after one month living in the garage, he came in. He still acts like a street cat and not long ago the Vet prescribed some pills for anxiety, since he was pissing in the house sometimes. He is ok now and hopefully he will be all right for the spring/summer.
Hmmm, I am not taking that one...nope, enough cats for me!! I can barely stretch out on the bed, they all sleep on top of me, except to Frederico, as he doesn't climb anymore due to his arthritis!
a visitor...
Labels: personal, photography
posted by Zee at
4:07 PM ::
♥
9 Comments:
I believe in God. I believe that you are his daughter and that he loves you very much and that he is so very proud of how you care for your children and husband.. working so hard to be a good mother.
I think that all the little birds and the beauty in nature that you see so easily is his gift to you. And, I believe that you have very good eyes because you see the beauty when sometimes others do not.
blessings to you Zee..
Hi Zee!!
I completely relate to you when you said:"I am almost 35 years old and I am still discovering myself as a person and scared about adulthood". I feel the same way. In my mind, even though I am aware of my biological age, I feel that I still have so much to find out about myself, that I need to sometimes shake it off and realise that I am not a teen or in my twenties anymore to have such wonders, but then again, I think we are always in a learning process and it is what living is all about.
I am a big cat lover too and have had cats almost all my life. I would have more nowadays, I even have tried to adopt another one but Lepooh is really too jealous! She wouldn't have it. If I had a bigger house, maybe it would be easier, but to keep a cat with all its things in my bedroom until Lepooh was ok with it wouldn'd be a good idea at all. Anyway, I had to give the little one away. I regret that I didn't adopt another one when I adopted Lepooh.
Your picture of the tigers is just amazing!
Many kisses to you!
x
Take heart, Zee! Your love of the beauty around you, and your sweet generosity are wonderful qualities. I'm glad to be getting to know you through your blog - it's great! I wish you lived in Mesa - no, I wish I lived in Flagstaff (it's cooler!) - you could come for lunch and have a swim, and we could make art in my new studio...
I believe the same as Love.Boxes. I know that we have a Father in heaven who loves us, and is watching over us as we learn the lessons of life. I'm still learning...I'll be 40 this year. I can't belive it! I do feel like a kid a lot of the time - still insecure and shy about many things...sometimes I have to remind myself, "I'm a grown up now!" Then I laugh... :)
Have a wonderful day!
Dear Zee,
I don't think it sounds strange at all to be nearly 35 and still discovering things about being an adult... I have the same. About your son, I am so sorry for him, he sounds like such a sweet one. school can be tough, I was really glad to have finished my high school period, cause that was no fun at all. kids can be cruel.
Your cats are so funny, so many and they all look so different :-)
wish you a good week and a big hug from me,
Solange
Dear Zee,
I'm sending you a big *hug* because it was not a good day for you.
Nicky
Oh, I want that cat! oh well... just kidding, we're not ready for another one just yet :-)
So... one more thing we have in common, we both love tigers -- also my favorite animals. Same reason why I have cats. I love to find out such common tastes with people! I feel like kindred spirits (I love this expression, we don't have an equivalent in Portuguese).
I'm so sorry about your son. I do see myself in my sons A LOT and sometimes it troubles me greatly how much they are like me.
I love to read your blog and I don't really mind if you don't comment on mine or anything, I still value our virtual connection. Hopefully someday we'll meet in person! :-)
Zee, I think you are wonderful. I sit here and look at all you have created and marvel at how beautiful it all is. You have so many responsibilities and I think you're doing a wonderful job. Please don't think that generosity is a weakness. Sometimes we don't get to see what is being created by our kindness, we just have to trust it.
I think you're just wonderful my darling.
Lots of love and happy friday!
Cherry xoxoxox
Heina tantos! São todos teus ;)
Wonderful pictures, wonderful words...
Yes, the world can be a cruel place, it's even harder when you see your children getting hurt... But I am sure, that with a mother like you, your son will turn out fine. Oh dear, it's so hard to express myself in English, I think you are doing great, by the way!
Post a Comment
<< Home